New to my vocabulary:  the phrase “jump off.”   Apparently the cool kids have been using this term to mean something like, “that’s where the fun starts” ?   However, I need to point out that urban dictionary says “jump off” means some other stuff.. see, it’s not just me that thinks it’s something dirty.

Mosa and I couldn’t remember the name of this porny store in England, but I found it, in case you were wondering, so that makes me the winner.

Listed as an up-and-coming top brand in England.  You know why?  Cause it’s a sex shop chain and it’s everywhere.  Of course it’s popular.

Becky, represent for me.. I have no bike and questionable navagation skills.

After you bike to work, you should park you bike somewhere like this.  (Yes, I did just link to our blog, I’m all about self-promotion.. we are great.)

I am super pumped about Target’s new Go International line by Rogan that is coming out tomorrow. I think I am going to trek my ass out to the Target in the middle of Brooklyn, the one no one goes to on Saturday to pick me up some animal print miniskirts and rompers. Don’t judge me.

Think of it as a festival of Breaking Away shorts with bike tricks in between. I went last year and it was a blast. The movies are fun and it was the first time I saw Dan Deacon- and it was free! So, who’s down?

http://bicyclefilmfestival.com/2008_site/newyork/bikesrock.php#a

Also- instead of Dan Deacon they have this Bikes Rock show (also free) that sounds totally rad. See below.

9pm till late
BIKES ROCK
STUDIO B
259 Banker St.
between Calyer St. and Franklin
Brooklyn

SOFT CIRCLE and DANIEL LEEB
Audio/Visual
The performance is a collaboration between artist and musician, Hisham Bharoocha (Soft Circle, formerly of Lightning Bolt and Black Dice), and filmmaker, Daniel Leeb (Cinecycle). Their piece consists of sounds created from bicycle parts, electronics and live video mixing.

IMPOSSIBLE HOUR
SIMONE PACE (BLONDE REDHEAD)
Original Live Score
Directed by Jorgen Leth (A SUNDAY IN HELL, FIVE OBSTRUCTIONS)
Ole Ritter tries to break the unbreakable record by Eddy Merckx. The Hour Track Record is one of the most prestigious records in cycling. This classic film, directed by one of Europe’s most prolific filmmakers, is a treat for the track bike fan and the film lover alike. Simone Pace’s adept live score enhances the visual mastery of Leth.

Stick Around for the Dance Party afterwards

So, last night I did my first project with NY Cares, which is an organization that makes it super easy to find and sign up for all types of volunteer opportunities in the city.  Mags and I went to help put on this dinner/game night for low-income families with little kids.. and “Don’t Break the Ice” was a huge hit.  I totally lucked out and had a really fun time with this adorable 5-year-old.. (she told me Hannah Montana was waiting for her at home…)  Turns out we fed 113 kids dinner last night.  So, be inspired, suckers.. and go sign up for an orientation. 

Fraggle Rock: The LIVE ACTION MUSICAL

I can’t wait. 

This will get you in the mood:

Today on the bus, a guy asked me what day of the week it was.  I had to tell him, it only Tuesday.

Red Hook + Ikea = better chance of a real couch for me!  Opens June 18th.  I don’t care if I’m supposed to be annoyed at commercialism - I’ve never been to IKEA and it is a tragedy, I’m sorry.

This post is totally all Nora’s, but I’m helping.

It is 5:30am and I am awakeeeee.   I think it’s from coffee.  Is that possible?   Why am I like a 7 year old who isn’t allowed to have pop with dinner?   This chart is from a mormon blog.. but I’m not sure why since I didn’t think mormons could have any caffeine.  

NYT’s Modern Love: The College Essay Contest

Want to Be My Boyfriend? Please Define

By MARGUERITE FIELDS

RECENTLY my mother asked me to clarify what I meant when I said I was
dating someone, versus when I was hooking up with someone, versus when
I was seeing someone. And I had trouble answering her because the many
options overlap and blur in my mind. But at one point, four years ago,
I had a boyfriend. And I know he was my boyfriend because he said, “I
want you to be my girlfriend,” and I said, “O.K.”

He and I dated for over a year, and when we broke up I thought my
angsty heart was going to spit itself right up out of my sore throat.
Afterward, I moved out of my mother’s house in Brooklyn and into an
apartment in the East Village, and from there it becomes confusing.

So, a few days after the chat with my mom, when I found myself
downtown drinking tea with my friend Steven, I asked him what he
thought about dating. He has a long-term girlfriend, and I was curious
how he viewed their relationship.

“The main thing,” he said, “is I don’t mind if she sleeps with other
people. I mean, she’s not my property, right? I’m just glad I get to
hang out with her. Spend time with her. Because that’s all we really
have, you know? I don’t want her to be mine, and I don’t want to be
anybody’s.”

(more…)

Ok, I’m not sure if this means she’ll do it forever.. but my pretty girl Meetzers brought me her mouse on a rope.. we played, I threw it across the room.. she brought it back!  Threw it again, same thing!  Ok, third time wasn’t the charm.. but two in a row!  Great job Meetz!  Now do this please:

If you’re jealous, here’s how to teach your cat to fetch. However, Meetza is a prodigy that needed no training. My favorite part, “Cats enjoy the time you spend with them and this extra fun game, which involves you as much as your cat, will create a bond that lasts forever.”

christ, I love this section of Jezebel

This little gem posts Weight Watchers recipe cards from 1974. I think the Chilled Celery Log is my favorite or maybe the Inspiration Soup. Look how far we have come with our stupid diet foods. Now we have Skinny Bitch and veggieburgers - thank god!

The other blog that has been brought to my attention recently is one dedicated to passive agressive notes. It reminds me of the maxim I learned from Arrested Development (…and thats why you always leave a note). It also reminds me of the engrish blog because a lot of the signs just don’t make sense. People are crazy.

Shout out to Maddie for showing me these- woot.

.. just like this.

I’m sorry, but babies aren’t normally this fucking adorable:

And can I get and AMEN?? Lest we forget this gem:

I’m seriously. She’s the cutest baby in the universe.

A man selling incense (not One Love, sadly) and body oil on the A train told me “You have to love what you do, if you don’t love what you do you’ll be miserable.”  He seemed pretty happy.  

This is what comes up first when you Google Image Search ‘coolest shit ever’.

Ok, so this awesome man designed all the subway signs you see (yes, in helvetica) for NYC. He also designed the holy grail of subway maps, which the City rejected originally because he didn’t make the water blue and the land green, or from something stupid like that (no joke, I read it in NY Mag recently and when I have time, I’ll find it again and add a link). Anyway, Vignelli updated his map, thus making all my dreams come true.

Now Men’s Vogue is selling the prints and I’m totally considering buying one. Here’s from their website:

“Before New York’s familiar convoluted subway map was introduced in 1979, the city relied on the sleek modernist vision of Massimo Vignelli’s indelible 1972 design: each train line represented by a color, each stop by a dot. The plan was as visually utopian as it was elegant — paths running on 45- and 90-degree angles, an understated gray square marking Central Park, and type set in clear Helvetica. It was hailed as an instant classic of graphic design. But it left many feeling stranded. “People expected a map instead of a diagram,” Vignelli, 77, says. “But diagrammatic representation is common practice around the world since the London Underground map of the thirties.” Now, with some urging from Men’s Vogue, Vignelli (along with his team of Yoshiki Waterhouse and Beatriz Cifuentes-Caballero) has updated his famous, ultra-collectible plan, taking into account more than 30 years’ worth of changes. He’s still unwilling to play tour guide: “On purpose we rejected any visual reference to nature or landmarks.” Vignelli released 500 signed limited-edition art prints of the never-before-seen update — available exclusively for Men’s Vogue — with proceeds to benefit Omar Freilla’s nonprofit Green Worker Cooperatives. (The prints sold out on May 1, 2008.) The hope is to get the daily commutes — and aesthetic sensibilities — of New Yorkers back on the right track.”

So, I am searching for cancer scholarships because I’m going to grad school and need the moneys (not to mention for some reason there are millions of cancer scholarships out there)when I find this gem of a site. Not only does this very informative and hilarious page only refer to cancer as ’stupid cancer,’ but they sell witty cancer t-shirts, throw parties and discuss viral marketing and blogs. Basically, I found out about this site waaaay too late. But- I did find out about it just before the Stupid Cancer Gala and I’m going to make you all go because it’s my new favorite cause.

Time thinks so too — Takashi Murakami in Time 100

Marc Jacobs says: “When I first saw Takashi Murakami’s work, I smiled and wondered, Where did this explosion come from? Who was responsible for this collision of psychedelia, manga and, well, art? Then I thought, I would love it if the mind that imagined this dizzying world of jellyfish eyes, singing moss, magic mushrooms and morphing creatures would be willing to have a go at the iconic Louis Vuitton monogram.

So I e-mailed Takashi. And he answered. Before long, there he was, standing in my Paris office, wearing his round, wire-rimmed glasses, skeleton-print T shirt, baggy short pants and a sort of samurai ponytail. He looked like a cool skater kid, an eternal teenager.

He and his crew, with total respect for Vuitton’s heritage, were eager to contribute to the creation of a new chapter.

How we would proceed in our collaboration was set forth by Takashi, 46. We would have a game of “catch ball,” throwing ideas and images back and forth, usually over e-mail, until we were both satisfied. Our first agreed-upon work was a straightforward interpretation of Vuitton’s traditional monogram. What had once been set in brown with gold symbols was now alive in 33 clashing colors against a jet black or optic white background. With a bit more throwing of the ball, each symbol within the monogram would soon have its very own identity—even the LV would eventually be entwined in moss and sprout hands.

Our collaboration has produced a lot of works and has been a huge influence and inspiration to many. It has been and continues to be a monumental marriage of art and commerce. The ultimate crossover—one for both the fashion and art history books.

The best part is that it continues, it grows, it morphs and still excites. Our efforts have come full circle. And I get to keep playing this game of catch ball with a great artist—and friend.”

ps.. I found this by doing a Google image search for “Really old torah.”

is anyone else excited about American Apparel selling their used shit online besides me?

Their ‘line’ or curated ebay collection or whatever is called California Select. The name is a little lame bit hopefully the clothes will be cooler.

from The Smoking Gun

Fun stuff to do in philosophy class, via Gawker.. “You’re a college philosophy student at NYU studying absurdism, the school of thought that says life and the universe have no meaning. What do you do for a class project? That’s right: bring in a muffin full of razor blades [NYS]“

and now it’s real! they are having the funniest fetus ever made and I just found out they were a couple like… last week. Insert Baby Mama joke here.

The NYT is keeping you guys in mind this weekend…

Curators Point the Way to Hidden Treasures   SO you know about the water tower at MoMA, the monkey god at the Met, and the outsized millipede at the natural history museum? What? No? What kind of a museumgoer are you, anyway?

A typical one, it turns out. New York City’s most iconic museums have a tendency to draw you to the same (great) attractions every time — Picassos and Egyptian temples and dinosaurs, just to name a few.

So Weekend in New York presented the following question to staff members of three big Manhattan museums: What is the most hidden treasure in the museum, the ones that even repeat visitors may never have seen?…

full article here

You knew all about that Millipede, didn’t you Becko?  I couldnt’ find a pic of a giant millipede skelton, so the above will have to do.   Google images, ur doin it wrong.

After some deliberation, we (Em and Becko- Nora doesn’t know yet) have decided to add an intern to the crapwelike roster. He has been our behind the scenes help since we started but for some reason, it just occurred to us this afternoon to let Dan post and give him a category. duh. Congrats Dan- don’t screw the pooch!

heart,
crapwelike

This is why I love her..

from People.. “Winehouse, 24, was alleged to have headbutted a man outside of a bar who tried to hail her a taxi, according to a detailed account in The Sun. The article is accompanied by a slideshow sequence of photos which include one of the “Rehab” singer walking into a lamppost.”

Oh my god.. this is a little tempting.  Especially because I actually have experience in a) moderating user content b) cats c) a 3 person office and d) unconventional work hours.. I mean, how much does this sound like my job??

Moderators screen all submissions, moderate comments and help our users with the dangerous world of lolcats. This is a paid part-time (or possibly full-time position). Due to the nature of the site, moderators work non-standard office hours. You will be joining our team of 3 moderators in enjoying all the fun the Web can offer.

We’re looking for someone who lives in Seattle with a great sense of humor, a deep understanding and love of the Internets and a strong work ethic. Cat ownership is not required.

Crap, it’s in Seattle.  Application info here.. if you want to beat me to the punch.  Thanks to Dan for headhunting for ICHC.

Brule’s Rules.  Doodoodooo do.   Petite feet, feminine step.  Feather your bangs.  Wanna meet that Dad.  I wear my Dad’s socks.  I sit down when I pee.  The only MARRIED news team.  Skerrit.. BOO!  Wait Mate.  Great Job! Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuusssy Dooodles!

 Watch this immediately.

That means we are going to see Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job tonight!  LIVE!  Ahh.

Silent Rave in Union Sqare last friday..  witnessed by me!

I can’t figure out if this is real or not but it appears that fellow wordpress bloggers ’stuffwhitepeoplelike’ has been bought out by Target to promote their organic food line, Tanner Farms. It was posted on their blog late March 31st- if it’s an April fool’s joke, it’s a bad one. Has anyone heard anything regarding this and can confirm this biz?

I went last year at the very end and I wished I had gone both days. How can you go wrong with a pool full of arts and crafts? I totally recommend going but I’ll probably miss it because I’ll be home that weekend for medical tests. Feel sorry for me and enjoy the oodles of cuteness June 14th +15th.

This is real.  It’s a kids book that helps kids understand why their moms got plastic surgery.  As a kid who had a hard time dealing with change, I can appreciate the idea.. but god that’s sick.  I needed the book “My beautiful Mommy with a perm” cause I cried when my beautiful mommy permed her hair once.. then again I cried when we got a new car, and new kitchen cabinets..  maybe I should start a series..

Very Secret Order of Creatives Understanding

I think I could read this book, and not just actually skim the pages. Brooklyn Modern’s website claims that it’s “the first book to explore the connection between Brooklyn’s astounding rebirth and its emerging architecture.”

Oh yeah? Well so is your face. Ha.

This disgusts me:

Teach your child that sitting in chairs is what people do. Bean bags are for hippies and lazies.

Who remembers this 1991 show?? I LOVED IT and I can remember the theme song.

Will Ferrell is going to star in it..

More here

Just call 1-800-Goog-411

I think.  I haven’t actually watched this video yet, and now I keep wondering if Google is just April foolin’ me.

I have already tried explaining this in several drunken conversations this week (yea, it only wednesday- don’t judge me). I never get the point across and people usually lose interest before I’m finished explaining. Since no one seems to believe me, here it is…taken right off wikipedia.

Mamihlapinatapai (sometimes spelled mamihlapinatapei) is a word from the Yaghan language of Tierra del Fuego, listed in The Guinness Book of World Records as the “most succinct word”, and is considered one of the hardest words to translate. It describes a look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start. This could perhaps be translated more succinctly as “eye-contact implying ‘after you…’”. A more literal approximation is “ending up mutually at a loss as to what to do about each other”.

The word consists of prefix ma(m)- reflexive/passive (second m before roots beginning with a vowel), root ihlapi (hl pronounced as /ɬ/, though in Yahgan it has also been described as similar to sl) which means to be at a loss as to what to do next, followed by stative suffix -n- and achievement suffix -at(a), and finally dual -apai, which in composition with ma(m)- has a reciprocal sense.

btw-thanks dan for sending this to me

Fug Madness is over, and FYI.. I may not have guessed the final four, but I picked the winner.  And, yes, I did follow the bracket even though I happened to be the only one participating that I knew.  Whatever, I guess that means I win my own pool.  Score!  Thanks Bai Ling!

Um, you make jeans.. obvs! But, not so fast, fools.. Damien Hirst pants go for $80,00.

ePodunk throwback from Gunnar, via Richard Florida

workatjelly.com

This idea is brilliance (thought not so much for me). Work at home with other people…have fun, make friends, get work done. hooray. sounds like a sleepover to me…during the day…while you work.

I can’t even sit through a full episode because the fake conversation is just too awful.. and as Nora pointed out, the show is really just based on Lauren’s eyebrow raises. But, hey I guess it doesn’t take much to entertain McCain..

“Asked for a reaction to the news that he’d been endorsed by reality-soap bad girl Heidi Montag of “The Hills,” John McCain told Swampland: “I’m honored to have Heidi’s support and I want to assure her that I never miss an episode of ‘The Hills,’ especially since the new season started.”

Spencer for VP! ewwwwwwwwwww!

They’re gettin’ hitched, yo

Sign up for a poem-a-day here.  I really like it.

It’s ZOMBIE STRIPPERS!!

Best movie tagline EVER.  Thanks Dlisted, for drawing this to my attention.  I need to update my Myspace & Facebook “favorite movies” sections immediately.   I suggest you do the same.

Go for it, B. 

Then put soap in your butt! All the time! Aaahhhhhhh

Great article by the Fug Girls for NY mag on Vogue’s “Shape” issue:

“It further unravels with a piece called “Figuring It Out,” featuring five women grappling with different body types. But rather than include even one who is moderately chubby — or even mildly bloated from last night’s pizza binge — they are instead: thin; tall and thin; short and thin; pregnant but still thin; and “curvy,” which in People-speak would mean Queen Latifah, but in Vogue translates as “thin with boobs.” And though a story on plus-sized singer/actress Jill Scott looks heartening at first, it’s actually a very ordinary shopping piece that could fit in any other Vogue if the editors felt like it; its placement in this issue makes it an oblique commentary on her waistline, as if they’re pretending not to notice while silently screaming, “SEE? We LOVE big people.”

Jezebel comments on the King Kong-ish cover here..

 How to dry wet books

Seems useful, no? Maybe more useful in college. Hey, remember when Sarah crashed on her bike and got snapple and broken glass everywhere? Aw, Sauce. That makes me laugh and worry at the same time.

UPDATE: I AM REALLY NOT AWARE AT ALL. APPARENTLY, BECKY POSTED THIS ALREADY.

Um, that was the test. Steph, you passed.

Check out the post on Pop Candy

My theory is that Stella is going to be one of The Mother’s BFFs and that she’ll say “Oh weird! My friend just lost her yellow umbrella on St. Patty’s Day! YOU SHOULD MEET HER”

The End

From this guy.

ORLA KIELY PAPER GOODS ARE THE ANSWER TO MY PRAYERS OH GOD I WANT THEM SO BADLY